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For all the hard work and sacrifices made over the past 4 years, everything boils down to a number: 4.26.
An insipid way of putting an end to my undergraduate life? Maybe. But that's exactly what I felt as I opened the website to check the results of my last semester in NUS -- nothing to look forward to now, no more next semesters to strive harder.
That number appears like a divider that separates the me inside with the real working world out there, and at the same time, it works like some sort of a password that opened up a sieve from which quantum of realities seeped in.
In other words, I just don't feel prepared. Perhaps I should pick up a master or PhD course to avoid the world out there? Perhaps I'm just being the usual persimist that I am?
Am I satisfied with that number? With some permutations, I managed to derive 6 numbers out of the original 3, and made a TOTO bet. Needless to say, from the outlook of this post, I didn't win. Not even by a margin -- not even one number pops up.
But I digressed.
This semester's results, a mixture of jubilation and disappointment. Ecstatic over the A that I bagged from Economics ("ooh, you took Econs? That is reserved for A level Econs students! You'll never get A!"), dampened over the B+ that was given for my FYP (all the sweat and blood and sacrificed EPL matches..) and EE4218 (the only B I've got for a technical module). That A+ from Operating System was sheer luck (SoC students you suck!).
In retrospect, I aimed to be a small time engineer (little responsibilities, job stability, quality work-life balance) when I first joined NUS. Then I had a slip in year 2 semester 1, which made me looked bad. For subsequent semesters, I strive hard to prove myself, that even if my ambition is small, I still have the intellect. Then I got addicted in bagging As for modules. I don't have any idea that competition and striving for excellence can be that addictive. Just like breaking the second wind while one jogs, you'll have to experience it to really understand how I feel.