Something I've never felt before

My skin, tingling, goose pimples bumping-- aching to touch. My head, airy, unable to focus, yet the mere sight of you makes it happy. I'm feeling.. edgy, anxious, excited, fearful, all rolled into one, as though the cherub doesn't wield bows and arrows but Thor's hammers-- electrifying, sense numbing, leave thy heart trembling.
And then the day ends, and the stomach pangs. My head, airy, unable to focus.
And then sadness. What's this feeling I've never felt before?

Introduction about myself

An excerpt from my introduction profile I had in my company's website:

...It’s amazing how time flies – at the time of writing, I’m riding into my ninth week in CSIT. Looking back, I tried to recollect why I joined CSIT in the first place: At the beginning, there was the job fair in NUS, and then the career seminar in School of Computing. And I saw that what it was is good. Entranced by a swashbuckling demonstration crafted by folks from here and there, and then thereafter meetings with them men and women who spoke of their work with pride and passion, I was hooked. Months later, my first job application landed me my first job. Of course the promise of work-life balance persuaded me a little, for in the midst of achieving work excellence, we do need to find time to meddle in life’s little indulgences.

Such as forgetting about our world whilst escaping into another with a real good book. Such as mocking our equatorial sun by chopping and splashing chlorinated water in your neighbourhood pool. Such as enjoying a good meal – doesn’t have to be break-your-piggy-banks expensive—with those few close ones. Such as catching up with three other khakis on a well-known board game that’s guaranteed to bring in fun and laughter, peace and joy. Such as sticking through thick and thins, for two hours each week, with a treble-award-winning soccer club. Such as playing the afore mentioned sport that’s most watched but seldom played in Singapore (most played is pool, really). Such as participating in death matches in alternate realities like GoW, MGS, NG, DotA and CoD. Such as dreaming to leave my foot prints on every inch of mother Earth...

Everyone dies, but no one ever really lives

This post is about freedom. Freedom as in what a twenty-something year old male Singaporean living in post 2000-millennium-celebrations really wanted. As opposed to William Wallace's grandiose-martyrdom that were depicted in his small and obscure postmortem flick, in which some barbaric leader of a small minority tribe incidentally uttered some unmemorable lines which goes on to inspire the totally mundane title of this post. As opposed to the type of Kopitiam chatters among taxi drivers whose idea of freedom, since money is really the root of all evil, is to remove money from the equation, or at least dream to settle the bill without looking at the bottom line. As opposed to a certain telcom's gimmicky slogan, whose adverts led me to believe that Singaporeans lives revolve solely around cell phones, TVs and the internet (wait a minute..) and to be free really means having another way to pay your bills.

My freedom is simpler: I just want to swim. I think about dabbling around the pool, mocking back at the equatorial sun whilst splashing chlorinated water, enjoying the view of PRC bikini- cladded babes, fantasizing I'm Michael Phelps-- doing frog style nonetheless, all these while listening to laughters of children. What else could a guy wish for? I'm working eight-thirty to six for the past five days, and now, I just want to swim. Without worries. Peace.

Then of course, something must have had happened that sparked off the creation of this post: I couldn't find my swimming trunks. And being a twenty something year old, male, means I cannot step into the pool. But c'mon, this is Singapore! Just a few hundred years ago, it's used to be a small sleepy fishing village. And the last time I checked, being an island really means being covered with water. Aren't we forgetting our roots here? No trunks mean no swimming in public pools? What nonsense is that? (And which smart Alec invented the swimming trunks anyway? Why do we need specialized cloth shaped exactly the same as our underwear?)

Stupid rules.

So my point is, freedom to me, really means doing away with stupid rules. Not in the sense of William Wallace's, whose era dictates that all Scottish with funny accents are exploitable. Not saying that freedom means free grub -- we all still need to be responsible for all the food we ate. But eradicate these stupid old rules! Like swimming trunks. Like formal wears. Like 7:30 schools. Like waking up in the morning. Like social stigmas. Like priority seats in MRTs. Like monday to friday work. Like education.

刁~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~曼!

Hao Hao wants to go Tioman!

Not because of grad trip!
Not because Pa just won 4D!
Not because he have to show off his Italy!

But for the 蓝天,白云,大海 and the horizon in-between..

Its either this, or its Zanzibar land..

RRoD

My Xbox360 is dead. On a Sunday evening. While playing Ninja Gaiden 2. *Sob* *Sob* Rest in peace, numero uno.

The Happening.. is not happening

Couldn't sleep and did this review of what I thought of the movie that I caught on 13th June, 2008, a Friday. With Hieu. At YCK. On its opening day. So here it goes!

When I hear the name M. Night Shyamalan, it conjures up memories of images of suspenseful tales from the crypts, scared folks whispering about something that defies comprehension, and then, some twist at the end of his movies.

Ghosts, super heroes, UFOs, neurotics hermits -- subjects Hollywood filmmakers discussed and abused repeatedly over and over again on their drawing boards. Yet Shyamalan's films inject a special uniqueness, presenting its audience with a perspective that's truly his and his only. Of course, not all of this uniqueness is good. Have you ever noticed how his actors are often much dressed down, mundane, and down to earth, like the average Joe or Jane on the streets? How his films are riddled with really dumb dialogs or superfluous sequences? That they are painfully slow at times and you just want to say "heck it, let's get to the twist"?

In one sentence, "The happening", Night's latest offering, is a dramatic flop. In this film, having seemingly ran out of subject matters, Night embodies the film's antagonist in the form of mother earth's population of bushes and trees. Yes, you heard it right -- the big bloody trees that are probably encircling around you right now, making that hiss hiss sound while some invisible breeze slithers through them. Having probably seen Al Gore's "An inconvenient truth" and probably after gorging a few pints of Vodka, as a unfortunate aftermath for us, Night penned his script. And he forgot to include the BLOODY TWIST! Or is the part where it was revealed that the real devil was mother nature a twist itself? That's one mother-fucking weak twist!

What's wrong with the film? For the most part, its pretty boring. Especially so when the main antagonist are some evolved evil trees that threatens to kill specifically humans only by swaying their branches as while some evil gale blows. See, powered by wind power. How environmentally friendly. This reminds me of an episode of South Park (the day before the day after tomorrow), the one where Randy, the geographer, warns the community about the fore coming of an ominous "it" that threatens to destroy humanity that reside on the wrong end of a event horizont that happens to shape after a gargantuan penis. Its just not frightening. Its almost funny for a horror scene.

The film truly have presented several interesting ways that instruct how one could incapacitate him/herself shall the need for it comes. Nevertheless, after that gruesome smorsgabord of awesomeness founded in the strings of Saw movies, Night's twisted mind seems less twisted after all.

Yet, somehow I still managed to savage something good about the film. There are scenes that pointed out how human beings had abused the environment and are oblivious about it -- and they are made very very subtle. It seems as though Night steered away from the path of being a nagging mother, purposefully putting pieces of biscuits and crumbs, hiding them clues against the back drops of the grand scheme of things, only wanting his audiences to realize the folly during their retrospection.

Like that hot dog quiz the statistician teacher had proposed to a screaming kid (even though it appeared rather incongruously in the story..):
If you are someone who like hot dogs. On some day, you approached a stand where it sells hot dog, each for 10 cents. Then, supposed the owner of the hot dog stand somehow decided to bamboozle you, doubling the prize of each hot dog for each day as you approached him to buy his hot dog. That is, the hot dog costs 10 cents today, 20 cents tomorrow, 40 cents the day after, 80 cents.. and so on and so forth. Based on intuition, how much do you need to pay for a hot dog after one month (28 days)? $10? Higher. $100? $1000? Higher, higher! You'll be surprised with the answer. Subtle, ingenious.

Like what he proposed us to do about the calamity at hands, that people should start living in smaller and smaller groups. That its no use escaping to rural areas once disasters strike, for calamities like these knows no geographical boundaries, nor are they going to differentiate who's right and who's wrong. In the show, the old man who talks to plants though they are his own child, who built an expensive tent to house his precious, who bides his plants goodbye before leaving for safer grounds, still ultimately suffered a tragic end.

Like how he insinuates human beings are just getting what we deserved with a loud signboard that says "Model house: You deserves this!" -- as consumerism led us to pursue stuffs that are really hollow plastics and emotionless entities; as we had bargained all that we belong with a piece of that wonderful mother nature; that we, inhabitants of earth, had thought that we gained the better end of the deal, that all of these must had came free and without consequences, when the reality is not so kind.

But on the whole a really bad movie. Spoiled not only by a cast full of mis-casted characters (Mark Wahlberg as a really insincere science teacher; an inept Zooey Deschanel whom I must questioned her acting skills), the film's ultimate flaw is the lack of a congruent story line to hook the audiences' attention, as well as.. OK let's face it, no one is to be scared by some swaying trees and those seemingly benign whooshing winds. Lastly, no twist!

Now when I hear the name M. Night Shyamalan, I'd think twice before approaching his films. Not on opening days, definitely. This reminds me of what WWE's The Great Khali's valet Daivari had praised about the latter's achievements:

"The Great Khali has stared into the abyss, and the Earth has trembled at his Gaze. The Great Khali has wrestled the Royal Bengal Tiger and The Great Khali is from the Punjab Jungles of India. The Great Khali ranks with the likes of Mother Teresa, Ghandi, Bhagat Singh, Ravishankar, and M. Night Shyamalan!"

Yes, yes, buckle up for your next show, or you will be under the Great Khali.

JJ's RT meter: 3/10. OOO*******

Ah Di's back!

To all the Swaiji fans out there (yes, all three of you!): our No. 2 is finally back! To others who were less initiated: Ah Di's back from Manchester, Enggggland -- the treasure trove of all football lovers and stars alike. Of course, being the usual lazy blogger that I am, this post is only made one week after his return. The exact definite date was actually on the 8th June, 2008, a Sunday.

Ever since I took that last Economics paper, I haven't been exercising my brain for a while. Most of the time these days, I spent it playing the XBOX360, or wandering aimlessly in cyberspace. Thus, in a bid to make up some excuses for chances to do some difficult mental mathematic calculations, and being the most 闲人 around, I decided to organize a "welcome home" gathering for Ah Di. With a budget of about $60, I expect to invite like about 8 or 9 of our closest friends. Nevertheless, Ah Pa got wind of my plan -- and being the usual prodigal Ah Pa, we see our budget raised immediately to about $200. That about covers the costs of the 2 roast ducks, 1kg of roast meat, 1 dozen beer, curry, mee hoon and other sundries. And we see our attendance shoot to a rocket high -- about 20 people turned up. Needless to say, it was a rowdy night. Also, let's take this opportunity to inscribed our thanks to Ah Ma (where our thanks will be immortalized and stored in cyberspace for ever and ever and ever.. ..) who spent the whole morning preparing the 7 or 8 course meal. Thanks mum, the curry's great!

The party expected His arrival to be around 2 to 3pm in the afternoon. However, due to some notable cock-ups by the Qatar crew, He had his boarding pass snatched (!) away just minutes before He board the flight heading to Singapore. Without giving any reasons or apologies, the barbarians had Him transferred to another flight heading to KL, then a subsequent flight to Singapore. As a result, He is later than expected by about 4 hours, having reaching home at about 7 in the evening.

Of course, the party must be kept going as the crowd gets agitated. Where's the protagonist of the party? Where's are their gifts from Engggland, the treasure trove of football (and not much else, really.)? Why are the food getting cold? Why is our government ostensibly pocketing our money but no one is complaining? I tried to be accommodating, even not minding the greasy hands and brandished out the XBOX360. Even succumbing to invite our ultra cute daughters of our neighbors, Wei Jing and Wei Qi over. And of course, the mahjong table.

Then all of a sudden, the ding-dong-dings of the lift that's just outside the door sounded -- He is back! With his 70s hair style, he shocked the whole party.

What happened afterwards was too tedious to type, and I'd decided to save the tale for another post. As usual, let's end this post with some pictures from that night just to appease that few fans of my blog who are less sensitive to Enggglish words.

The ladies literally stole the night

Boo from Monster Inc was apparently a Man United fan

Ever seen so many Man U scarves crumpled up on the floor? Now you have.

The "Bring your own towel" campaign was a great success.

Our coveted Mr Congeniality was unanimously voted and given to Chan. He's seen here complete with the requisite pot belly and the 2 fingers poser pose.

Lurkers after the gathering. Picture blurred to protect the identities of the lurkers.

Amalgamation of results

For all the hard work and sacrifices made over the past 4 years, everything boils down to a number: 4.26.
An insipid way of putting an end to my undergraduate life? Maybe. But that's exactly what I felt as I opened the website to check the results of my last semester in NUS -- nothing to look forward to now, no more next semesters to strive harder.
That number appears like a divider that separates the me inside with the real working world out there, and at the same time, it works like some sort of a password that opened up a sieve from which quantum of realities seeped in.
In other words, I just don't feel prepared. Perhaps I should pick up a master or PhD course to avoid the world out there? Perhaps I'm just being the usual persimist that I am?

Am I satisfied with that number? With some permutations, I managed to derive 6 numbers out of the original 3, and made a TOTO bet. Needless to say, from the outlook of this post, I didn't win. Not even by a margin -- not even one number pops up.

But I digressed.

This semester's results, a mixture of jubilation and disappointment. Ecstatic over the A that I bagged from Economics ("ooh, you took Econs? That is reserved for A level Econs students! You'll never get A!"), dampened over the B+ that was given for my FYP (all the sweat and blood and sacrificed EPL matches..) and EE4218 (the only B I've got for a technical module). That A+ from Operating System was sheer luck (SoC students you suck!).

In retrospect, I aimed to be a small time engineer (little responsibilities, job stability, quality work-life balance) when I first joined NUS. Then I had a slip in year 2 semester 1, which made me looked bad. For subsequent semesters, I strive hard to prove myself, that even if my ambition is small, I still have the intellect. Then I got addicted in bagging As for modules. I don't have any idea that competition and striving for excellence can be that addictive. Just like breaking the second wind while one jogs, you'll have to experience it to really understand how I feel.

EE2001

There is this major project where all NUS EE and CPE people must go through. It is like the JCC course of the infantry, the hell week of the navy, and whatever nightmarish course you have for the air force.

This is EE2001, and when I did it, it was one hell of a semester (and it was my best semester too). EE2001 sort of like wraps up the entire year 2 syllabus -- in other words, when you reach this project, consider yourself to have reached a milestone. Give yourself a pat, and then prepare for year 3 and beyond. For those people who had done this before but hadn't noticed, EE2001 is the first of the many projects where tutors literally 丢你去死. Very little help was given. Tutors ignore emails, there's no lecturers to consult, objectives are vague, schedules and deadlines doesn't make sense -- much like the world we live in right now.

That was like 2 semesters ago when I did the project. Anyway, something to share with the younger NUSians (or whatever you called NUS people):

Ta-dah! The end product. The exterior walls can be removed to reveal the inside. We planned to do a transformer-like style of auto-transforming this part -- that would be spectacular. Then someone with the heart went to spoil it , saying it can't be done.

Note the plastic wall. Pretty eh?


Rocks! Can you even imagine?? Anyway the whole thing became so heavy, that the base wraps and dents


The lateral view


Interiors


The plastic walls again!


Bird-eye view of interior


Sick attention to details: we've got doors for the model


The aftermath


Everyone pretending to be busy for this shot

By the way, EE2001 is about envisioning the future of smart homes and then translating these visions into real working models. Our home consists of many modes of operations, each mode activates accordingly to the mood of the current user. Of course, to detect the moods, we use the MOTT chip (MOTT == mood-O-thematic-translator?) that was taught to us in an earlier module. However, the MOTT chip uses a lot of power. It jumps to 12A whenever the module is attached to the other circuit boards. We had to buy a $100 power supply just to install this MOTT chip into our home.

Another interesting feature of our home is the "earthquake eliminator" feature that we built with the zero-gravity drive. The ZGD is actually pretty useless for anything heavier than 5kg. In fact, we went through a lot of trouble to fit everything under 5kg. Once we complete that part, you can actually see the house floating on air, pretty cool actually.

The ZGD leads to another problem: we had installed the ZGD too early during the development phase. Whenever we fix new things onto the house, the ZGD couldn't decipher the new weight-points and cause the house to wobble whenever we switched it on. In the end, we have to spare manpower to tweak and configure it whenever new stuff are added. Consequently, our house is actually slightly overweight, at about 5.5kg, and hence wraps when the ZGD is switched on.

Finally, one last eye catching feature is the "room with full LCD screen". Imagine walking into a room that is fully clothed with LCD screens on all walls. The idea is to transport users to environment that suit most to the user's current mood. E.g., beside the seaside when the weather is hot, right beside the lava pit when the weather is treacherous -- you get the idea. We fitted one full room with Sony PSP LCDs. Surprisingly, PSP LCD is the cheapest source of small screened full-colored LCD. Normally one would cost near $1k. The hardest part of this is to join the few LCD screen to the controller chip. Thereafter, the programming is straight forward, although interfacing with the MOTT chip is quick tricky again.

In the end, we managed to bag an A from the hard work we put into this project. Simply saying "hard work" is really an understatement. I remembered sleeping just 3 to 4 hours a day for a week to rush for a deadline. Before EE2001, we were just another student lurking around, you know, just lurking around thinking its great to be in college. After EE2001, we grew up, became more responsible, experienced the threats of deadlines, tasted the bitterness of trials and failures, and moved one step closer in becoming an accomplished engineer.

(Double) Glory! Man United!

OK, my heart haven't beat this wildly watching soccer since Liverpool bested AC Milan in 2006 -- not especially so this semester as most EPL times are actually spent doing my FYP.

My heart skipped a beat last night as John Terry slipped while he took the fifth penalty from the 12 yard spot. For those who weren't there (Kiam and Law who put aero plane..), Ah Niao's expression by the way was priceless.

Last night was history, and this post makes me part of this history. (Years later, when Earth is reduced to nothing but piles of rubbles and trash, aliens from outer space who came to scavenge will pick up this piece of post and recognize my part in this earth-breaking history.)

Yet when asked if this is Sir Alex Ferguson's best team yet, he answered with a simple "yeah" and quickly turned around, disappearing into the pitch.

Better than '99? Not so. But it feels great to be King of Europe once again, especially when I'm part of it.

Heroes aren't Born. They're Built.

I should post more often. As a start, let's do this Iron Man review.

I remembered Iron Man, with its Proton Cannon super move, is my favorite character in Marvel Super Heroes game. His great arsenal of weaponries and wonderful sense of dexterity (and simple button combinations for super moves) makes him an easy choice. Then I saw the cartoon. As a kid, I don't really like moustached guys. And when Iron man removes his mask, he also revealed the hideous stripes. The bottom line is, Iron man is cool, his controller is not.

Yet, after seeing all the raving reviews from the critics in RT, I was rather hyped up. The trailer, which is a reminisce of the starcraft2 Marine trailer, is done in great taste and style.

However, 126 minutes later, I left the Cathay cinema rather unsatisfied, feeling rather distraughted for not following my gut instincts (of being wary of moustachioed guys) that this will just be another average comic adapted film.

The problem I had it is this: too little action, too much talks. And Gwyneth Paltrow is one unbelievable bimbo, which got on my nerves many times throughout the show. So the great Tony Stark will eventually fall for this gal -- I'm just not sold.

The built up to the final show down with the main villain (Jeff bridges) is too predictable and unimaginative. Jeff bridges had got the words "Main Villain" etched onto his forehead. After the triple-villain showdown in Spider-man 3, come on, Marvel, you got to SURPASS this! And when the suite wore by Jeff bridges was revealed-towards the end, that was one big anti-climax -- that's one big ugly suite.

And the jokes, mostly one-liners whispered by Robert Downey Jr while he works on the suite, are actually quite dumb. The jokes became quite cold apparently when the whole cinema wasn't laughing.

Lastly, the guy who sat next to me during the show had this really bad breath. I wondered how his girlfriend can endure his breath.

Final verdict: 6/10 JJ RT meter: OOOOOO****

31102002

March 14th 2003. The post on march 14th 2003. That post holds a date. An important date: 31102002. Not the day I bought PS2, but the day I met her again at Marsiling MRT. The heart stops a beat. If you are reading this (which as chances goes by, chances are none), I really like you then, and shall we spare a moment just to ponder and wonder, how you and I would be today, if I grab the chances of those yesteryears. But time flies and days were gone -- too quick I'll say.
Then tonight, many days after the yesteryears, I chanced upon this one desolate post, the post that was created by its creator to serve him a reminder (and indeed it served well!), a reminder to an important date.
Met you only once in school (at McDonald remember?) after that fortuitous meeting at Marsiling MRT. You seemed lonely and unhappy. Thereafter I buried myself with work, and never again we did meet. Stopping to wonder and ponder. Rising my head above the mountains of work. If I grab the chances of yesterdays, where would you be? Where would I be?

ORD LOH

On May 6th 2008, 11 am, Singapore time, I'd completed possibly the last examination paper of my life. Just for memorial sake -- and for the sake that a part of my legacy will be stored in bits and bytes forever and ever in cyberspace -- that paper is EC1301 Principles of Economics. Coincidentally, I'd dropped this module in favor of Evolution of a global city state when I was freshman in year 1. So in effect, I had made one big round trip.

Realized I haven't posted.. since I'm in year 2???

That's pretty frickin long.

Modules taken this semester:
EC1301 (Principle of Economics) : Easiest module this sem, but spoiled by the fact that a lot of the contenders are A-levels grad with S-papers in Econs

CS2106 (Operating System) : The only computing module that I haven't enjoyed in NUS is this one. Partly because of tremendous workload (Labs + Tut + Lecture + project + mid term -- how do they add up to 4MCs you go figure out). but nonetheless got one super dedicated and cute lecturer -- Dr Roland Yap

EE4218 (Embedded Hardware Design) : most worthless level 4 module I's ever took. I don't understand why Dr Le had to digress and talk about video codecs all of a sudden. The project was, albeit, interesting, but the subject matter of the module (its a level 4 mod for god sake!) was rather shallow and yawn-inducing.