Friday, June 24, 2005

Found on "Lost" threads..

Lengthy, but read and ponder..

If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor
butter-side down. If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and towering
place, it will land on its feet. With this in mind, if you attach a buttered
piece of bread, butter-side up, to a cat's back and toss them both out the
window, will the cat land on its feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground?

In theory, even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be
able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the
butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics
demand that the cat can not land on its furry back. If the combined construct
were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore, they
simply do not fall.

That's right, you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal
can get), you have discovered the secret of antigravity! To expand on this
theory, a buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the
forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium
point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or
removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent.Most of the civilized species
of the universe already use this principle to drive their space ships while
within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is,
in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies. Larger craft use the Maincoon
breed and a long ways sliced sourdough loaf.The one obvious danger is, of
course, if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs and they instantly
plummet.

This, as you all know, happened in Roswell 50 years ago. Of course the
cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good, since
right after they make their graceful landing several tons of red-hot starship
and bewildered aliens crash on top of them.

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